Cutting through Therapy Misconceptions

Therapy misconceptions: What therapy is really like and who can benefit 

You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. Here’s what to expect when you decide to reach out for support. 

 By Aviva Boxer, Registered Psychotherapist 

Even though mental health care has become much more mainstream over the last few years, there is still a lot of confusion about what therapy actually is, who it is for and when to seek it out. 

Some people assume you need to be in crisis before you start therapy. Others think therapy is simply lying on a couch talking about your childhood while a therapist takes notes. Some believe a therapist will tell them what to do, while others worry that therapy will involve being judged or criticized for the choices they have made. 

The reality is that therapy can look very different depending on the person, their goals and the therapist they are working with. Let’s take a look at some common misconceptions about therapy and what you can really expect when you decide to give it a try. 

Who is therapy for? 

I have seen many clients over the years who thought about coming to therapy for months or even years before taking the first step and reaching out. Often, it wasn’t until they reached a point of overwhelm that they finally felt it was time to start. 

Of course, there is no one “right” time to start therapy. The right time is the time that feels right for you. But there is also no need to wait until you are in distress before talking to someone. 

Therapy can be helpful for people living with mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression, but you do not need to have a clinical diagnosis to benefit from therapy. People seek therapy to process childhood hurts and disappointments, navigate work, relationship or parenting stress, cope with financial worries, work through grief and loss, improve their self-worth or simply understand themselves better. 

As I often say to my clients, signing up for therapy can be a huge act of self-love because you are signalling to yourself that you are worth the time and attention it takes to focus on yourself. 

That hour is purely for you. You get to take up space and talk about the big and small issues in your life — because, of course, they are often connected. 

Starting therapy is courageous. It is also a concrete step towards creating change in your life. 

What does a therapist actually do? 

One common misconception about therapy is that therapists simply sit and listen while you talk. 

Listening is certainly an important part of therapy, but therapists do much more than that. They listen, support, validate, and gently challenge you to help you grow and evolve. They champion you while also helping you notice patterns or discrepancies between what you are saying, what you are feeling, and how you are behaving. 

A therapist generally won’t tell you what to do. Instead, they can help you clarify your thoughts and feelings, explore your options, and develop a better understanding of what is right for you. 

A good therapist also creates an environment where you can speak openly without fear of judgment. Therapy should be a place where you feel emotionally safe and where your privacy and confidentiality are respected and protected. 

And while therapists often ask about your childhood because our early experiences can influence how we see ourselves and relate to others, therapy isn’t necessarily about spending every session talking about the past. Your therapist will also want to understand what is happening in your life right now, what you want to change, and what goals you have for therapy. 

How does therapy work? 

Another common misconception is that therapy is a quick fix. 

Sometimes people notice changes after only a few sessions, particularly when they are working on a specific concern. For others, therapy is a longer process. True, deep self-reflective work takes time, effort, and consistency. 

Therapy is mainly about talking, but there is often a lot that happens between sessions, too. Depending on your goals and your therapist’s approach, you may be encouraged to practise new skills, reflect on something that came up in a session, complete supportive exercises or simply pay closer attention to your thoughts, feelings and behaviours during the week. 

There is something powerful about saying your thoughts and worries out loud to another person who is trained to listen and help you explore them. Talking can help you make connections, recognize patterns, and understand yourself in new ways. 

And sometimes, you may feel a little worse before you feel better. 

Therapy can bring difficult emotions to the surface, particularly when you begin exploring experiences or patterns that you have avoided or pushed aside. That doesn’t necessarily mean therapy isn’t working. Sometimes it means you are finally giving yourself the opportunity to process something that has been weighing on you. 

You don’t have to know what to talk about 

One of the things people often worry about before starting therapy is, “What if I don’t know what to say?” 

You don’t need to arrive at your first appointment with a perfectly organized list of problems or a clear understanding of why you feel the way you do. 

In fact, figuring that out can be part of the work. 

You can simply tell your therapist what has been happening, what you have been struggling with, or what made you decide to reach out. Your therapist can help you begin to make sense of what is going on and identify where you would like to focus. 

You also don’t have to have a dramatic story to deserve support. Sometimes the reason you seek therapy is simply that you have been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, disconnected or unhappy, and you want things to feel different. 

That is enough. 

What if therapy doesn’t feel comfortable at first? 

Starting therapy can feel vulnerable. You are meeting a stranger and being asked to talk about things that you may not usually share with other people. 

It can take time to build trust and feel comfortable with your therapist. And sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, the therapist you start with simply isn’t the right fit for you. 

That doesn’t mean therapy has failed. 

The relationship between therapist and client matters enormously. Different therapists have different personalities, approaches, and areas of expertise. Finding someone you feel comfortable with can make a significant difference in your experience of therapy. 

It is okay to ask questions before you begin, talk about what you are hoping to get from therapy, and pay attention to how you feel in the relationship. 

You don’t have to wait for a crisis 

Perhaps the biggest misconception about therapy is that you need to be struggling enough to justify going. 

You don’t. 

You can start therapy because you are overwhelmed. You can start because you are grieving. You can start because your relationship is struggling or because parenting has become harder than you expected. You can start because you want to understand yourself better, change an old pattern, or simply have some support while navigating a difficult season of life. 

You don’t have to wait until things fall apart before asking for help. 

Therapy gives you a dedicated space to slow down, reflect, understand yourself, and consider what you want your life to look like. It can be a place to work through what has happened, develop new ways of coping, and begin making meaningful changes. 

Most importantly, you don’t have to figure everything out on your own. 

If you’re considering therapy 

If you have been thinking about starting therapy but keep telling yourself that your problems aren’t “bad enough,” consider this your permission to reach out. 

You don’t need to be in crisis. You don’t need to have all the answers. And you don’t need to know exactly what you want to talk about. 

You simply need to be ready to take that first step. 

If you’re struggling with anxiety, stress, relationships, grief, self-worth or another area of your life, working with a therapist can provide the support and guidance you need to move forward. Reaching out for therapy is not a sign that you can’t handle life on your own. It is a sign that you are willing to invest in yourself and your well-being.